Fostering Continued Bonds: An Important Element of the Grief Process

It has been said that great love equates to great grief.  Mitch Albom, stated in Tuesdays with Morrie, “Death ends a life, not a relationship” When a loved one dies, there is a gaping hole felt in the mourner’s life.  Grief does not end.  It is a journey that has many unexpected turns and valleys.  The unpredictability of emotions can be quite unsettling to those that have had a loved one die.  One common thread amongst mourners is the reluctancy to “let go” of the loved one.  The concept of continued bonds challenges that school of thought and allows the bereaved to hold on to the memories, cherish the loved one, and accept that grief will become a part of life.

Continued bonds are the recognition that the love for the deceased does not end in death.  Because the grief is on-going, there are ways to actively mourn a loved one and foster that connection with those that have died.  In my years of grief work, many bereaved talk to their loved one, or carry a trinket that stirs a beautiful memory.  Fostering that connection is an important part of the grief process.  Many that are mourning notice a butterfly, a cardinal, or a rainbow that will remind them of their loved one’s life.  These beautiful connections to nature are a small reminder of the people we miss and bring a sense of comfort during an emotionally difficult time.  Many that are outside the mourner’s circle may discourage these continued bonds and see it as an unhealthy way to grieve.  But those that are advocates of healthy grief would attest that mourners are able to renew their hope by finding ways to connect.

Looking through old photos, planting a garden, or wearing a piece of treasured jewelry are all examples of fostering the continued bond of a loved one who has died.  Normalizing and validating this behavior is an important part of the grief process.  Recognizing that a loved one’s imprint will remain on your heart forever helps with the realizing that “letting go” does not have to be a necessity.  To explore how to foster those continued bonds or understand more about your grieving journey, please check out the Center for Hope and Healing’s grief support groups or book an individual appointment with one of our licensed professional counselors.

 

 

Written by Kristen Ernst, LPC

Owner and Operator of Center for Hope and Healing

By | 2020-09-29T12:33:14-05:00 September 29th, 2020|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Suicide Prevention Awareness in September

During the past few months of the pandemic and community quarantine, it has become abundantly clear that there has been an overall decline in the country’s mental health.  Depression and anxiety are increasing.  The combination of a downturn in the economy, people losing jobs, and the lack of interaction with others, has created many feelings of hopelessness and isolation.   According to USA Today, the United States has seen a 25% increase in the suicide rate.   In order to combat these daunting statistics, there a few things that can boost the “happy” chemicals in the brain.  It is now more important than ever, to create an environment that fosters a feeling safety and security within our bodies and our own homes.

Completing a task or celebrating a small win for the day can produce higher levels of dopamine in the brain. Hugging your family and playing with a pet will boost your oxytocin.  Serotonin is a mood stabilizer, which can be produced through sun exposure and meditation.  Endorphins increase with exercise or by watching a funny movie.  These chemicals combat feelings of isolation, depression and anxiety.  Practicing healthy self-care habits are crucial to your mental stability as an individual.  Being mindful to put these habits in practice daily can make a big difference to one’s overall mental health.

As we look ahead, September is suicide awareness month.  Mental health professionals continue to collaborate and cooperate to support the community’s mental health crisis through this pandemic.  Organizations are creating programs that enhance the feeling of support while remaining socially distanced.  Online support programs, 24-hour hotline, and online counseling are in high demand for those needing a lifeline.  So many times, when feelings are expressed and witnessed, the ability to heal from those emotions become possible.  Joining an online group may combat the feelings loneliness and normalize the grief journey.  You can find more information abut these groups on Center for Hope and Healing website.

Creating a “happy brain” within and reaching out to each other is a great way to reduce the loneliness in the community.  If you are having thoughts of suicide, it is always best to call the national hotline, 1-800-273-TALK, or visit the nearest emergency room.  As we look to prevent suicide, we must educate ourselves and others on how to address thoughts of suicide and lessen the stigma that it carries.

By | 2020-09-01T07:11:06-05:00 September 1st, 2020|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Meeting Children’s Needs During Difficult Times

As the weather changes and kids return to school, 2020 has presented some unprecedented challenges for those that are trying to adopt a “new normal.”  Even in St. Charles County, school districts have not been unison in action.  Some districts have decided to return to school for 5 days a week, some have adopted a hybrid model of online learning and in person learning, and some have postponed the beginning of school another few weeks.  No matter what your area school has decided, many parents, caregivers, guardians, and educators are apprehensive about the projected year.  If the adults are intimidated and hesitant in anticipation of the school year, can you imagine how children and young adults are feeling?

Most full-time students in our area have experienced the longest spring break known to this generation.  Returning to studies and keeping their attention will be a struggle.  There have been some opposing thoughts and beliefs about the logistics concerning returning to school, but it is important to be universal in how we support children during this time, regardless of our role in their lives.

Emotional attunement is critical as children are talking to you about their day.  It is important to lead with empathy, kindness, and understanding.   Wearing a mask and eating lunch alone are difficult parts of this adjustment.  As a caregiver, it is essential to not lead with logic.  Emotions are never wrong.  Validate what your child or student is feeling.  It is also imperative to realize that we may not be able to fix the situation for them.  Instead of trying to fix the problem, create a safe place for the child to vent and emote.  Socialization may be at a minimum school, so they will need a place to talk and express the parts of their day.  Mindful movement will also be key during this time of adjustment.  If your child or student seems anxious or agitated, take a walk or create a dance party list within your home where everyone can dance out the negative energy.

Educators, administration, and parents are also trying to adjust to this new normal, so modeling healthy coping skills will be important.  Make sure that you are setting healthy boundaries and taking care of your physical and mental health.  If you have nervous energy in the home, children can easily pick up on that.  Create a place of peace by being authentic in your own emotions.  Everyone is adjusting to a new set of rules.  Allowing the space for people to be genuine will be a healthy way for children to express what they need at the time.

Whenever there is a sense of change in our lives, we grieve the past.  We grieve what we wanted to happen.  We grieve the anticipation of the future.  Recognizing that our families are dealing with significant grief is part of being true to ourselves and others. It is important to recognize that it ok to not be ok.  But once we are authentic in our emotions, and we express them in a safe place; we have developed a sense of community.  My hope is that within this chaos, you find your safe place, your sense of community.  Through this refuge, you will combat the feelings of isolation, and move towards a sense of safety and belonging for you, your families, and the people that you care about.

By | 2020-08-31T10:45:45-05:00 August 31st, 2020|Counseling, Grief Support|0 Comments